HOW I LEARNED TO BE ME
by Vincent Scotto, Certified Integrative Coach Professional
At the age of 13, I realized I was gay. I was devastated. Raised in a strict Roman Catholic family, I had no one to turn to. I knew that I had to hide who and what I was in order to be safe and to be loved. Unable to totally deny my sexuality, I split into two completely different personalities. I was both the “good boy” and the “party boy.” As the pain of this split became greater, I used drugs and alcohol to cope. And as my pain grew so did my addiction. I overdosed three times and it was only by the grace of God that I did not die. I finally got sober in 1989 but I still did not fully accept myself and I continued to live the lie. I was depressed, lost, and helpless, and I didn’t know why.
In 2007, I picked up a copy of Debbie Ford’s book “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers”. It was a turning point in my life. I felt like Debbie was speaking directly to me, especially when she said that happiness is not found in getting rid of the things we dislike in ourselves but rather making peace with them. I realized that I had spent a lifetime working to create the perfect illusion of who I thought I needed to be in order to be loved. I felt like I could finally let go and breathe. All I had to do was just be me.
When I went to The Shadow Process, the book came to life for me. I discovered that I was stubborn and selfish and that these were the exact traits that had kept me alive all those years. I realized I was avoiding anything that had to do with being a sexual being because I was so afraid to let anyone see that I was gay. I wanted to be loved but I wouldn’t show anyone who I truly was.
Since The Shadow Process, supported by the ongoing shadow work I have done, I have learned to love and accept myself fully for who I am, not in spite of it. I no longer waste my energy hiding who I am. Instead of praying to die each night, I go to sleep peacefully and I wake up excited for what each day brings. I have found the courage to transition into a new exciting career that is truly my soul’s calling. I am proud to be me, a 57-year-old gay man with a heart of gold and loads of love to share.